Positive Reinforcement with Children
Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool for encouraging desired behaviors in children. By providing rewards or praise following a specific behavior, you can motivate them to repeat that behavior. When I am stressed or overwhelmed, I find myself finding all the wrong things that my kids are doing. All I hear myself saying is, "stop fighting," "pick up your clothes," "put your dishes in the sink," "stop bickering," etc. Then I realized something else was happening with my kids. They're actually getting along a lot better than they have been in the past and I wasn’t seeing it. While my brain was a little stressed and only seeing the negatives, I pushed myself to start seeing the positives. I started noticing small things that are helping make our home so much calmer. My oldest son started taking on more responsibilities and helping out with his siblings. My oldest daughter has also been helping out and matured a great deal these past few months. She stopped bothering her brother so much and started respecting his space. She learned to ask rather than demand when she wants one of his toys.
My kids started helping out around the household as well. They learned how to sweep, mop, and vacuum. They're 100% excited to do these things and ask often if they can help. They tend to our garden and make sure nothing is eating our plants and everything is well watered.
When I started seeing how much change was happening in our household, I decided to make an extra effort to let my kids know that I am noticing. Thus, I will randomly stop in the middle of cooking or washing dishes and go give them a hug. I tell them how much I love them and how much I appreciate everything they do. Different times of the day, I will notice them doing good things and go point it out and let them know I see the efforts they're making. One time my son gave his sister some milk and she immediately spilled some of the milk on the table and floor. He grabbed a towel and cleaned everything up without asking me to intervene. I watched the whole thing from the living room. It was such a great moment, so I called him over and let him know that I saw everything. I gave him a hug and told him how proud I am of him for (A) not getting mad at his sister and (B) for cleaning up her mess.
In giving my kids more positive attention and reinforcement, our entire family has been very relaxed. Our tone of voice has gone down, we smile so much more, and we enjoy being around each other. You don't have to give your kids big gifts or rewards as positive reinforcement. Simple things work very well, hugs and kisses speak volumes. Positive wording, instead of nagging or arguing over things works amazingly.
Here are seven tips to help you improve your children’s behavior.
Be Specific: When praising, be clear about what behavior you're reinforcing. Instead of saying, "Good job," you could say, "I really liked how you shared your toys with your sister!"
Timely Rewards: Reinforce the behavior immediately after it occurs. Waiting makes the reward lose its value.
Mix It Up: Children can get bored with the same type of reinforcement. Change it up and think outside of the box.
Make It Genuine: Ensure that your praise is sincere. Mean it when you say it, don’t fake it.
Encourage Efforts, Not Just Outcomes: Focus on the effort a child puts into a task, regardless of the result. It might not be perfect or the way you want it, but they made an effort and that’s what matters.
Involve Them: Let children choose their rewards or how they'd like to be praised. This gives them a sense of control in the situation and helps them feel accomplished.
Highlight Progress: Celebrate achievements, big or small. Keeping a progress chart can visually show children their successes and motivate them to continue positive behavior.
What positive things have you noticed about your children lately? Let us know in the comment section below.
